The Wolfman

a solid cast, nice production values and Rick Baker’s doing the makeup. Based on the trailer the only things they forgot were the werewolf and the story. If I had to choose between this movie and televised golf, I’d watch the emergency broadcast system.

There are only two explanations for looking this silly, and they both involve letting other people do the thinking: either someone made an homage to Lon Chaney out of cut up carpet and a glue gun, or American Apparel is doing makeup now.

Vampires are all over TV and film, because the only makeup they require is a pair of dentures. You can save even more money crafting your soulless monster’s look by casting a British guy cheap ugg boots . Werewolves, on the other hand, require a lot of fur, so you’d better do it right. And if you’re going to do it wrong, then fail on the cheap.

When Lon Chaney Jr. played the wolfman, they covered his face in yak hair. Unless you have a good source in the Tibetan black market, that’s almost impossible to find. You’d have an easier time getting Megan Fox’s pubic trimmings.

And they still might not want to hire you. and doze in a recliner till the makeup’s applied. Then you lose the coveted Baltimore longshoreman demographic, because they’re busy, you know, fucking working. You’re better off casting a guy with hypertrichosis, or a Portuguese wom cheap ugg boots an.

Or take a page from the first terrific werewolf horror film, Dog Soldiers. team just to reach feature length.

Thanks to Dog Soldiers, there can be no excuse for a puppy nosed fuzzball, even as homage to the original film. If you remade Plan 9 From Outer Space, would you include the strings on the UFOs? If you remade Birth of a Nation, would you keep the racism? If you remade Deep Throat, would you batter the actress? Whoa! Too far.

No you wouldn’t, because you’re trying to perfect the recipe. Just keep the good ingredients and stop stirring in ground glass.

Pabst Blue Ribbon is the beer made when Keystone Light sleeps with a bag of corn niblets to piss off its rich parents.

Even hipsters hate hipsters. They fight what they are with both their strength, but in the end, nature always wins.

They think tattered clothes and ungroomed facial hair are all you need in a tough neighborhood, but it’s just goofy, and by the time dawn comes, somebody’s dead.

I’d say the last two are also true of werewolves. The difference is more people will flee a hipster.

One reason vampires are popular is they symbolize our universal desire to be sexually harassed by a European. The entire history of vampires especially cheap ugg boots the last 15 years is about how much women want to sleep with them (and therefore men must destroy them, even if they are kind of cool). They’re the Jude Law of monsters.

And Sean Penn is the wolfman of actors. If a vampire seduces a lady, a werewolf drunkenly forces his tongue down her throat. Go ahead, name one sexable werewolf. The guy in Wolf? A plain example of The Nicholson Rule.

One time the Williamsburg girl took me to a show that was so indie you could puke. A morose sea of beer bellies and window pane Buddy Holly glasses awaited us at the door, prompting me to yell, “WOW! I’ve never SEEN so many hipsters!” Each smiled, thinking I meant only the guys around him. You have to give people what they want; nobody wants a navel gazing wolfman who learns it’s best to be true to yourself.

Werewolf films are Friday the 13th plus costly makeup, and there’s a reason they never made one of those about Jason’s inner struggle. The only tortured souls who hurt everyone they love and sprout hair in strange places are teenagers. That’s why we already have Teen Wolf and Ginger Snaps. Watching a man of Benicio del Toro’s age re enact puberty horror is just embarrassing. Grow up, man.

There was also I Was a Teenage Werewolf, but it starred Michael Landon. The closest he ever came to a wild man was forgetting to say “Please” when asking a blind woman if he could read to her.

One reason hipsters love irony is it’s a place to retreat from taking a position on anything. That in mind, I dare you to feel an emotion watching The Wolfman’s trailer. This film wants you to be thrilled by a legend, scared of a monster, and sympathetic to a misunderstood artist. That’s like a chocolate dipped turkey filled with cottage cheese. There’s no synthesis in it. Is the wolfman terrifying, tempted, o cheap ugg boots r tortured? Either slit or get off the vein. Grow up and act like a man. Or a wolf. Just stop yowling about it like a cat.

Dog Soldiers was about how group dynamics can save your life or make you a monster, depending how blindly you follow. The Wolfman trailer is nearly opposite: you’re so real society can’t handle you! Only girlfriend and dad respect the wolfman’s need to shred, so they’re safe from his special specialness.

The woe behind World War One song Pack Up Your Troubles

It became the stiff upper lip anthem of World War One and continues to earn royalties to this day.

Yet when brothers and music hall stars George and Felix Powell penned Pack Up Your Troubles in Your Old Kit Bag they thought it “piffle” and abandoned it.

“People would have to turn to their own talents to share music, so the sight and sound of people gathered around a piano for a sing song would have been very familiar.

“So one reason for the song success is its simplicity. It written in G major, which can be played on a wide range of instruments relatively easily.

“The first line of the song is very direct and familiar to people because it mentions a kit bag every soldier in th cheap ugg boots e country would have had a kit bag.

“The second line is about a Lucifer, which is a match which they would have used to light their cigarettes.

“So these are words that any regular Tommy would immediately connect with.”

The pair were educated at St Asaph Cathedral, where George was a chorister, and Felix is said to have been the organist by age 12.

This combination of Geo cheap ugg boots rge lyrics and Felix skill on a keyboard had already made them music hall favourites even before their most famous hit.

But Pack Up Your Troubles took them to another level of fame, with the song being translated into around a dozen languages including German.

It is success which the brothers told reporters at the time they were at a loss to understand.

“A few months later a wire [telegram message] came up to us at the Grand Theatre, Birmingham PACK UP YOUR TROUBLES FIRST PRIZE. It gave George and me the best laugh of our lives,” recalled Felix in a newspaper article at the time.

“On the following Monday we put the song into our own show at Southampton in order to it on the dog so to speak.

“By the middle of the week we were as amused as we were delighted to hear thousands of troops singing it en route for the docks.”

But with success came heartache and bitter creative differences between the brothers.

George had been a life long pacifist, and as a conscientious objector he had reservations about his tune use as a rallying cry from the outs cheap ugg boots et.

Felix on the other hand immediately signed up, and spent WW1 as a staff sergeant touring the trenches with their morale boosting ditty.

Felix Powell was haunted by the way his tune accompanied men to their deaths

But St Asaph councillor and Powell enthusiast Denise Hodgkinson said that in time even Felix became horrified by how the song was being used.

“The song was described as the most upbeat ever written, and Felix was a star at the height of music hall, in the same vein as Charlie Chaplin,” she said.

“But gradually he became ve cheap ugg boots ry upset that it was his tune which was accompanying thousands and thousands of men to their deaths.”

Felix experienced a nervous breakdown in the trenches, and ended the war a broken man.

The brothers were however reconciled and moved to Sussex, where they ran a theatre and local newspaper.